第十六章 生活真是矫情
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我很认真的看着荆松,问他:
“你有认真的考虑过以后想怎样生活么?”
荆松有些不知所措,
“你是指什么?凉,说真的,别的我没有考虑,我只是觉得没有你我就不知道怎么生活。我觉得做什么都没意思,尤其是自己一个人的时候,会很慌,明明没有什么事发生,总觉得心理发慌……”
我有些烦躁的打断他,
“就算再没有感情的人,失恋了也会难受一段时间。我在问你,以后你想怎么生活。你想和一个根本就不喜欢你,总是挑你毛病的人在一起么?你想我们俩都越来越不开心么?你想过靠我们俩在北京安家以后压力有多大么?我相信你是真心喜欢,真心付出感情,但是你有没有真正想过我的想法,有没有认真的为我们的以后打算过?”
荆松有短暂的错愕,然后露出他招牌式的无辜表情,
“你总是用现实跟我说话,你说的那些我偶尔也会想,可是我只知道,你不在,这些事我连想都不愿意想,因为你我才努力,因为你我才思来想去。”
我看着荆松,突然之间失去了继续说下去的耐心,是他太美好还是我太世俗,还是这些事本来就是说不清楚的,没有所谓的对错,只有赤裸裸的不合适。感觉用了很大的力气,我耐着性子跟他说,
“你说的我懂,我说的你也懂,问题在于我没办法在继续下去了,而且我已经想明白了,不是因为赌气而是真的决定了,试图说服我是不现实的,你就别再费劲了。”
荆松突然哭了,我清晰的看见眼泪从他一直发红的眼眶里流下来,他趴在咖啡桌上,把脸埋在抱在一起的臂弯里,安安静静没有任何声音。我却觉得有一种撕心裂肺的氛围从他身上散发出来。很想说点什么或者拍拍他,但是身体却越来越僵硬,没办法动。
“你走吧。”荆松依然趴在桌子上,似乎是很累很累的样子,我坐在那,有那么几秒钟,一丝不舍得情绪在滋生,但是几秒钟之后,我果断的站起来,转身离去。
离开办公室的时候,已经快十点了,锁了门回头看见铃铛站在那,欲言又止的样子。我走过去,握住她冰凉的手,轻柔的问,
“怎么了,小铃铛,一直在等我?”
铃铛勉强的笑着,但是她不开心的实在太明显了,
“凉姐姐,下午我好信,去咖啡厅偷看你了。”
我弹了她脑袋一下,有些好笑,
“然后呢?被悲伤地氛围感染了?不开心了?”
铃铛揉揉自己的头,有点哽咽的说,
“你弹那么用力干嘛,凉姐姐,我一下午都呆在那,刚出来。和你说话那个男孩一直趴在那,一下午都没动。”
我叹了一口气,感觉心里紧绷绷的,
“你怎么那么八卦,不会一下午就看一个陌生男人趴着吧。你怎么揉起来没完了,有那么疼吗?”
铃铛一直揉着我弹她的地方,然后今天第二个人当着我的面,眼泪刷刷的就流下来了,我有点慌张,
“凉姐姐,我看见林秋和我男朋友一起喝咖啡了。我当时就觉得,不可能啊,林秋才来一个月,我男朋友就每天晚上来接我,难道他们早就认识?可是他们俩每天都会打个招呼,明明就是刚认识的样子啊。姐姐,我当时特别不理解,我就过去问他们,可是我男朋友说,分手吧。”
铃铛有些语无伦次的说着,我觉得脑子里嗡嗡响,帮铃铛擦了擦眼泪,我跟她说,
“先别着急,明天我和林秋聊聊。”
送铃铛上了出租,我犹豫的回到咖啡厅,发现荆松已经不在了,不禁长长的舒了一口气。
然后我接到了一条短信,香香后来看见了,说那是她见过男孩写的最矫情的短信。
“别担心,我在,随时随地看着你的好;
很可惜,不能,在你身边逗你笑;
我决定,放弃,希望你不后悔才好;
请相信,爱你,不管你想不想要。
我最亲爱的女孩,我没走,看见你回来找我我还是哭着想笑,但是就这样吧,我终于累了,尽管我承认爱你,可是以后,我会牵着别人的手,甚至爱上别人,以前觉得不可能的事现在想想多么可笑。我们,不再和好。”
今天第三个人哭了,我抹着汹涌而出的眼泪,心里觉得就像丢了什么重要的东西有点慌,这一刻我突然意识到,我让一个人彻底的绝望了。我无奈的擦着不断流出的眼泪,心里骂着“生活真他妈矫情。”
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