第五十五回 倾吐衷曲
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楚王台上一神仙,眼色相看意已传。见了又休还似梦,坐来虽近远如天。陇禽有恨犹能说,江月无情也解圆。更被春风送惆帐,落花飞絮两翩翩——
欧阳修
原来她是从妙玉的故事,不自觉的忽地感怀身世,心里想道:“妙玉是欲洁何曾洁,云空未必空。我却是独爱梅花高格调,却伤飞絮已沾泥。嗯,这是造化弄人,还是我自己作的孽呢?”要知由于她和杨牧这段错误婚姻,心中总是难免有点自卑之感。
缪长风几句话给她解开心中的疙瘩,她感到了好朋友“相知以心”的喜悦,抬起头来,只见满眼都是阳光。时序虽是初冬,在她眼前却是春天了,她微微一笑,说道:“你的话不错。但出于污泥而不染这七个字,我可是愧不敢当了,嗯,缪大哥,有一件事情,我始终没有和你说过。”
缪长风道:“什么事情?”
云紫萝道:“我和元超的事情。杨华这孩子,他,他——”
她本来是把自己最隐秘的私事告诉缪长风的,但要说到杨华不是杨牧的骨肉之时,饶是她和缪长风的感情早已超乎世俗的朋友之上,也总还是有点感到尴尬,讷讷不能出之于口。
缪长风打断她的话道:“人有悲欢离合,月有阴暗圆缺。人生总不免有点缺陷,过去的事,那也不用太多去想它了。人之相知,贵在知心。我和你是这样,你和元超,更应该是这样。你们的事情,我已知道。还是谈些别的吧.”
云紫萝吁了口气,心境豁然开朗。说道:“缪大哥,你想谈些什么?”缪长风道:“我刚刚想起曹雪芹写的一首诗。红楼梦我没看过,这首诗我却听人说过据说他写红楼梦最少花了十年时间,还未写成。这首诗就是他自己诉说他写红楼梦时的悲痛的。”
云紫萝道:“啊,有这样一首诗吗?我倒还没有听过呢。你念来给我听听。”
缪长风念道:
“浮生著甚苦奔忙,盛席华筵终散场。
悲喜千般同幻渺,古今一梦尽荒唐。
谩言红袖啼痕重,更有情痴抱恨长。
字字看来皆是血,十年辛苦不寻常。”
云紫萝默念“谩言红袖啼痕重,更有情痴抱恨长”两句触起愁思,自己也不觉痴了。
缪长风道:“这首诗怎么样?”
云紫萝道:“好,就是太伤感了。不过以曹雪芹的际遇,也无怪他写出这样伤感的诗。”
缪长风道:“曹雪芹的身世,我所知无多,你说给我听听好么?”
云紫萝道:“他是八旗世家子弟,祖先几代,都在江海做内府的织造官,那是一个既接近皇室又容易赚钱的肥缺。当时曹家在官场的地位,真是显赫一时,康熙六次‘南巡’,有五次就住在织造官署里面。在这五次中,曹家就接了四次‘圣驾’。他家的荣华富贵,也就可想而知了。
“但后来曹家不知犯了什么大罪,就像红楼梦中所写的贾府一样被抄了家,一个显赫万分的家世,就此毁灭了。那时曹雪芹只有十多岁,在南方生活不下去,迁到北京,仍然一天天穷困下去,经常是全家食粥过日,但他还是一派狂傲派头,稍有点钱,就纵酒赋诗,有时喝多了酒钱也付不出。他的好朋友敦敏曾有一待送他,这首诗就是写他当时的这种生活的,我倒还记得。”
当下念给缪长风听道:
“寻诗人去留僧壁,卖尽钱来付酒家。
燕市狂歌悲遇合,秦淮残梦忆繁华。”
缪长风道:“一个贵公子出身的人,能够抵受贫穷的折磨,写出红楼梦这样的好书,曹雪芹世真是值得令人敬佩,敦敏这首诗虽好,可比不上曹雪芹自己写的那首述怀诗。因为敦敏的诗只是替曹雪芹惋惜失去的繁华,意境就未必较低了。”
云紫萝点头道:“你说得不错。”
缪长风忽道:“曹雪芹那首诗,你最喜欢哪句?”
云紫萝不愿吐露自己的感触,反问他道:“你呢?”
缪长风道:“我最喜欢的是最后两句:字字看来皆是血,十年辛苦不寻常。我的浅见是曹雪芹这首诗并非甭纯伤感,他也有令人奋发的一面!”
云紫萝眼睛一亮,轻声念道:“字字看来皆是血,十年辛苦不寻常。”心里想道:“对呀,曹雪芹以心血写成的书,他虽然受了十年辛苦,但他也得到了‘不寻常’的成功,感到了‘不寻常’的喜悦了。字字看来皆是血,十年辛苦不寻常。这里面不也是有着自豪的感情吗,我怎么只是看到感伤的一面呢?”
缪长风接着说道:“不如意事常八九,可对人言只二三。人总难免有受到挫折的时候。但像曹雪芹这样,不为困难所吓到,在逆境里仍然十年如一日的去做一件有意义的事情,那就少了。”
云紫萝眼睛里闪露出喜悦的光辉,缓缓说道:“缪大哥,你说得真好,说下去呀。”
缪长风道:“我只是一个常人,我不敢希望有曹
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