第36章 比赛 柚子:看看我俩谁先哭。

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    安柚夕被吓得整个人啊一声从椅子上跳了起来,因为身子不稳,手臂慌忙撑在了桌面上,恰好不小心按中了电脑上的公放按键,头上的耳机也随着站立的动作被长度不够的电线扯掉了,整个房间瞬间盈满对面cv卖力工作的低哑性感男攻音。
    更离谱的是那个男攻音一边独自嗯嗯啊啊,一边奇怪安柚夕怎么忽然不说话了,为防不出戏,故意往台词里加了一些挑.逗的需要对方配合回答的台词,就差没有敞开嗓子直接嚷嚷“来啊来啊来h啊~柚子~一起来愉快地玩耍呀~”。
    安柚夕眼前蓦地花白一片,身体摇摇欲坠,眼看就要晕倒。
    我是谁?我在哪儿?我在做什么?
    面前这个大帅比又是谁?哦,他是我老攻。
    我老攻正在做什么呢?哦,我老攻正在听和我搭戏的男攻音嗯嗯啊啊。
    此时的我,多么希望如来佛祖能一巴掌将我压在五行山下,让我自此永不见天日,朝朝夕夕与美猴王作伴。
    直到五百年后,团宠唐三藏将可怜的小猴子从五行山下救了出来,而我也被我老攻一声亲切的呼喊将神智从遥远的幻觉中拉了回来。
    “哥,你到底在做什么呢?”
    对面男cv一秒闭嘴,一秒闭麦,然后开始疯狂敲打起了弹幕,和成百上千的观众一起哀嚎乱叫。
    【?????谁在说话?麻烦再多说一点好吗?我的血包还能坚持住!】
    【啊啊啊啊啊啊救命!这声音也太苏了吧!我八百年没听过这么完美的攻音了呜呜呜,骨灰级声控流下幻肢梆摁的口水,awsl!!!】
    【这特么是柚子老攻吧?这声音我在小视频里听过啊!绝逼就是柚子老攻没有错啊!这么晚了这两人还在一起,莫不是在同居?!】
    【现在到底是什么情况?听柚子他老攻的语气,似乎并不知道柚子要跟野男人搭h?修罗场?!?!】
    【没有修罗场,楼上别瞎说,对不起我错了,我是菜鸡,我是垃圾,我是废物,我不配攻柚子,跟您的攻音比起来我简直就是一坨屎,您请您请,正宫您请!我自闭去了嘤嘤嘤qaq!】
    然而安柚夕对网上发生的一切毫无所觉,他正缓缓缓缓地将自己缩成了一只通体涨红的小团子,双手紧紧抱住了自己的双腿,将脸埋进双膝里,一对没有神采的眼睛直勾勾地盯着自己粉红色的脚丫,一脸心如死灰地喃喃自语道:
    “我真傻,真的,我单知道我老攻今晚要出门不在家,我不知道我老攻什么时候回来。我开开心心地关了门窗,戴好耳机,跟野男人浪打浪地配h,却不曾想,我这么一来可是把整个世界都屏蔽了,更不曾想,我老攻可是有家里钥匙的人,这不,一开门就给我和野男人抓了个正着,啊,怎会如此?”
    冉柠木好笑地摸他的脸和头,亲吻他因为受惊和羞耻而蓄满生理性眼泪的泛红的眼眶。
    安柚夕的眼眶被冉柠木柔软的嘴唇轻轻一碰,眼泪顿时夺眶而出。
    冉柠木又是心疼又是好笑,赶紧搂着人不停抚摸后背,从裤兜里摸出卫生纸给他擦:“这怎么还哭起来了呢?”
    安柚夕一头栽进冉柠木怀里,揪着冉柠木的衣服呜呜咽咽:“呜呜呜,我不活了,我没脸见人了呜呜呜,都怪你都怪你,你没事回来的这么早做什么?还老是忽然吓唬我,这都第二次了!”
    “好好好,都怪我都怪我,是我坏坏了,哥哥不哭了不哭了,”冉柠木忍得嘴角都在抽搐,“但是啊哥,你有没有发现现在这个场景似曾相识,而且还不止一次。”他顿了顿,终于忍不住噗嗤一声笑了出来:“上次我在酒吧掉马的时候,哥你也是像现在我抱着你一样这样子地抱着我,帮我擦眼泪呢。”
    安柚夕眼泪一顿:呃。
    “哥,我们好像在玩一个叫做比一比我跟你谁更社死的游戏哦,我们似乎从谈恋爱的第一天开始就一直在不停地各种社死,你社死一次,我社死一次,你替我尴尬,我也替你尴尬,我们互相社死互相尴尬,竟是还是轮流制!”
    安柚夕成功被冉柠木说得一滴眼泪都没有了。不仅眼泪没了,表情还变得无比之扭曲怪异。
    神尼玛的轮流制。
    忽然感觉我俩恋爱谈得跟个笑话似的是怎么回事啊?(是真笑话,哈哈哈的那种,没有嘲讽的意思)
    安柚夕不知道,此时正有成百上千的弹幕正默默偷听他俩说话,一会儿被这史诗级的尴尬现场尬得脚趾抠地,一会儿被cos祥林嫂的安柚夕萌得嗷嗷叫,一会儿又被冉柠木苏里苏气的温柔嗓音酥得身子都麻了,现在又被冉柠木这出神一般的发言逗得一片嘎嘎嘎。
    “我真是谢谢你了,我现在算是彻底哭不出来了,”安柚夕瞥见冉柠木跪蹲在自己面前,抬着头,宠溺地笑看着自己的模样,忍不住轻轻戳了戳他握住自己双手的手背,小小声问,“你难道就没有什么想问我的嘛?”
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