第十七章 猪脚大王(上)
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主脚:猪脚大王
龙套:覃壮壮、张丹丹、牛角大王、老鼠灰、朱芋圆
引子
“大家翻到语文书第77页!交流平台起!”猪脚大王扯着发炎的嗓子,大声嘶吼着,呐喊着。看来她是想要通过“恶龙咆哮”来镇压住“菜市场”的嘈杂,可是毫无作用。“菜市场”还是“菜市场”,依然故我,原封不动。
猪脚大王眼见吃瓜群众都没有搭理自己,甚至连看都没有看自己一眼,额头上冒出几条黑线,快步走到讲得最欢、闹得最凶的张丹丹(龙套)身后,伸出右手轻轻的拍了拍她的肩,打算杀鸡儆猴。
“啊呀!谁呀!大白天的,不要跟我开这样的玩笑,烦不烦啊!”张丹丹尖叫着转过了头,看清来人是猪脚大王后,顿时松了一口气,又继续没讲完的话题,纯粹把猪脚大王当作空气。额,连空气都不如。
“咳咳咳!”猪脚大王来了个战术性咳嗽,善意地提醒张丹丹。见张丹丹还是鸟都没有鸟自己一眼,她又加重了语气:“咳咳咳!”
“哎呀!你又不是将死之人!咳什么呢?当心把肺咳出来!没事别刷存在感!”张丹丹火气“噌——”的一下子就上来了,有些气呼呼地说道。
“我刷存在感,这是为了证明我还活着……天大地大,活着最大!”猪脚大王一副唯唯诺诺、逆来顺受的样子。
吃瓜群众表示:有人在用钱刷存在感,有人在用脸刷存在感,猪脚大王是用活着刷存在感。
名字
猪脚大王是别人家的孩子,妥妥的“三好少女”:学习好,样貌好,脾气好。平时为人也是相当的低调,一点都不高傲,深得吃瓜群众的认可和喜爱。
一次课间,覃壮壮(龙套)用满含期待的小眼神望着猪脚大王:“那个……我有个事想找你帮忙,你人这么好,我相信你肯定不会拒绝的。嗯……借我两块钱呗!”
“啊这……我今天身上也没有零钱啊,你自己先想想办法吧!我帮不上你!”猪脚大王翻了翻裤包,摆出了一副爱莫能助的样子。
“那你把你那张五十元大钞借我吧!你不会介意的,对不对?我们到底还是不是好朋友?看你这么有钱,借我点怎么了?”覃壮壮企图“道德绑架”猪脚大王,还丝毫不见外伸手去翻猪脚大王的裤包。
借钱的时候是朋友,还钱的时候就变成了大爷。这个不合理的要求只要脑子里装的不全是豆腐渣的吃瓜群众都不会同意,猪脚大王也不例外,她严词拒绝了覃壮壮,丝毫不留情面:“不借,说不借就不借!我们不是好朋友嘛?你能理解的对不对?”
覃壮壮恼羞成怒,嘴里开始口吐芬芳,冒出几句不干不净的“问候”,冲着猪脚大王就来了一个360°的大白眼,暗戳戳地用国际通用手势和猪脚大王“打了个招呼”,气鼓鼓的走了。
猪脚大王根本不吃这一套,倏尔一笑:“呵呵!我笑了!这招式几百年前我就用过了好吧!居然想道德绑架我,只要我没有道德,你就绑架不了我!”
第二天,刚来到教室的猪脚大王,就听到了吃瓜群众正在对昨天的那件事情议论纷纷,真是听风就是雨,越传越离谱。
张丹丹甚至还明目张胆地对着猪脚大王指指点点,阴阳怪气,恶心巴拉地说道:“诶,真想不到猪脚大王原来是这种人!我早看她不顺眼了!朋友找她借两块钱都不干,真不讲义气!”
猪脚大王脸上写满了无辜,百口莫辩,尽管猪脚大王朝着吃瓜群众耐心地解释。可落在吃瓜群众眼里,解释就等于掩饰,掩饰就等于事实,其作用微乎其微,反而还越描越黑。
从那天起,猪脚大王就变了一个人,干什么都冷冷淡淡,聊天永远聊不过两句。这里说一句,那里答一句,不管说什么,永远都是“啊?”“哦!”“额……”不知道的还以为她是“鬼上身”了呢!
吃瓜群众表示:看到没,原形毕露了!她就是个大猪蹄子,蹄子中的大王,最不真心了。于是,“猪脚大王”这个外号就传开了。
花式羽毛球
一天,午后的暖阳为蔚蓝的天空增添了丝丝暖意,灿烂的阳光
透过树叶间的缝隙,洒在小区中略显空旷的羽毛球场上。
猪脚大王和牛角大王相对着,站在羽毛球场的中间。
“哼!今天,我要让你见识一下我的厉害!这场比赛我赢定了!”
“你就哭着叫我爸爸吧!”猪脚大王拿起羽毛球拍,在牛角大王(龙套)面前一阵胡乱比划,显然是胸有成竹,胜券在握。
“呵!给姐整笑了,谁赢谁输还不一定呢,你可别得意得太早了!小心被啪啪打脸,那时候场面可不好看呢!”牛角大王不甘示弱,双手前平举,比出一个爱的魔力画框框,“哼~看懂没?想赢我,你戴个眼镜找得到门不?”
光是看猪脚大王和牛角大王互怼放狠话的环节,就知道这火药味够
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