第十九章 兰花草(上)
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主角:兰花草
龙套:可乐鸡翅、桃罐头、小琳子
引子
四大名著《红楼梦》中,曹雪芹曾这样描述林黛玉:两弯似蹙非蹙笼烟眉,一双似泣非泣含露目。......闲静时如姣花照水,行动处似弱柳扶风。寥寥几笔,林黛玉超凡脱俗的气质与多愁善感的性格就被勾勒出来。在吃瓜群众视线范围内,也有这样的“风流人物”,那就是兰花草。
自拍
“欲把西湖比西子,淡妆浓抹总相宜”。女人天生就爱美,追求美是女人的天性,兰花草自然也不例外。对“美”的追求,她不是一般人,而是“二般”人。
林黛玉有着一张倾国倾城的绝世容貌,惊为天下人。美得那是纤尘不染,美得那是秀雅如仙。身为“2.0版”的林黛玉,兰花草显然不能与林黛玉相媲美,气质跟颜值甚至边都不沾边。她和“超凡脱俗”只相差了三个大字。不要小看这三个大字,简直是她一辈子都无法跨过的鸿沟,足足相差了十万八千里。只一个“俗”字符合她的气质,还有“俗”得平平无奇的颜值。
兰花草长着一双丹凤眼,在浓密的睫毛“门帘”装饰下,清澈而透亮。两笔像被浓墨抹过的扫帚眉,连在了一起。连同鼻子,正好呈现出一个桃心。这使得她的脸整体看上去有种不能言说,只能意会的怪。再搭配上一头浓密的“羊毛卷”,显得头大脸更大,有种难以言喻的尴尬。
这样朴实无华的气质,”美”而不张扬的颜值,像极了深山中毫不起眼的兰花草。无巧不成书,兰花草的本名正好姓“兰”。于是,“兰花草”这个外号就传开了。平平无奇的她酷爱自拍,句句经典语录让吃瓜群众眼前一亮,永世难忘。
“look,别发呆,看我造型say哇塞!360度无任何死角的好看!”
“洗完头,就算不出门也要自拍几张,不然就白洗了!”
“太阳当空照,美女在拍照!你不赞,他不赞,我的自拍没人看!”
不出门的一天,在家宅到天荒地老的兰花草闭门“修炼美貌”,又双叒叕准备自拍了。打开衣柜,她对着穿衣镜搭配衣物,先试了件羽绒服,觉得颜色太暗,不能引人注目;试了件大衣,觉得颜色太“芭比粉”了,显得皮肤很黑,容易被人误认为刚去挖了煤回来。最后,她试了一条淡雅的碎花裙,不长不短,一切刚刚好。她对着镜子照了又照,画了一个“美美哒”的妆。
“嗯,还不错,完美!配得上我‘高冷’的气质!”她拿出手机,直接打开自拍神器“美颜相机”。她边调角度边自言自语:“等会把头低一点,下巴才更尖,显得脸小,哈哈,迷死人不偿命!对了,还得开个十级的美颜滤镜,我这样完美的人,怎么能没有粉嫩的樱桃小嘴呢!”
“咔嚓、咔嚓、咔嚓.....”,兰花草一会儿45°角仰望天空,一会儿睁一只眼闭一只眼,一会儿用头发遮住半边脸,一会儿还“牙疼”。真是应了表情要俏,姿势要帅的拍照“八字箴言”。七七四十九分钟都过去了,自拍终于完成。
兰花草拿出晒照的自我修养:自拍三千,我只取一张。她不停地翻看照片,越看眉头越紧皱,越看表情越凝重。显然,爱美的她,有一种想要向美颜功能谢罪的冲动。“我本人和照片,大概只相隔了两个光年的距离。这照片真是太low了,根本配不上我!”
没有轻颜搞不瘦的脸,没有美图秀秀搞不大的脸。看来只能靠p图来缓解内心的痛苦了。说干就干,兰花草打开p图软件,把“瘦脸”开到100%,“磨皮”开到100%,“美白”开到100%,滤镜开到100%,再来个“一键瘦身”。世上无难事,只要会p图。
“哈哈哈,只要我p图技术拽,大家都认不出我来!啧啧啧,看看我的技术又精进了不少。”看到p好的照片,兰花草只觉得画面太美,不忍直视,本能的有种想撞豆腐块的冲动。只见照片里的她全身白得发光,光是眼睛就占了整个脸的三分之二,嘴巴看着连指拇大的旺仔小馒头都塞不下。骨瘦如柴,手跟面条一样细长,腿长一米八,啧啧啧,都快赶上“移动长城”姚明了。
“这可难不住我,既然我能p,当然也能修了!一分自拍,三分p图,六分精修,精修才是王道!”经历了调色,抠图,添加背景,整体调节后,一个娇弱不堪,眉清目秀的现代翻版“兰黛玉”就出现在眼前。一样的楚楚动人,一样的我见犹怜。
“哎呀,我这技术……可真是太好了!我人生中最熟悉的陌生人,就是这个p过图后的我本人!”兰花草对修出来的效果那是相当满意,嘴都笑得合不拢了。随手就发在了qq空间,还特地配了一句说说:“千秋无绝色,悦目是佳人;倾国倾城貌,惊为天下人!ladiesa
dge
tleme
,姐脸上的妆容是‘鞠式仿妆’!千万不要被姐
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